Working to end the intergenerational cycle of domestic violence....

Home | en Espaņol | Newsletter | About Us | Contacts | Give Help | Programs | 40 Hour Training

 

Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship

 
 

return to DV issues

 
  • Economic dependence: Who will support me and the children?
  • Parenting: Wanting a second parent for the children
  • Religious Belief: pressure to keep the family together
  • Extended Family pressure to keep the family together
  • Fear of being alone and on one's own: fear that I can't cope with home and children by myself
  • Loyalty: If partner had cancer, I'd stick with him/her
  • Pity: Partner is really so much worse off than I am. I feel sorry for him/her
  • Rescue Complex: If I stay, I can "save" him/her, help him/her get better
  • Fear of his/her suicide: Partner says he/she will kill him/herself if I leave
  • Denial: It is really not so bad
  • Love: I love him/her, and he/she is often quite loving and lovable when he/she is not being abusive
  • Duty: I said I would stay married to him/her "till death do us part"
  • Guilt: I feel and partner claims that the marital problems are my fault; I caused his/her difficulties and his/her problems
  • Responsibility: It is up to me to work things out and save the marriage
  • Shame, embarrassment, humiliation: I don't want anyone to know
  • Security: Belief in the American dream of growing up and living happily ever after
  • Identity; Many people feel that they need a partner in order to be complete
  • Optimism: Things will get better
  • Low self-esteem: It must be my fault, I must deserve it, I'll never find anyone better. A little love is better than no love at all
  • Sex role conditioning: this is just the way men/women are
  • Survival: Fear about my own physical safety if I leave because he/she has threatened to find me, and to kill me, the kids, and/or my family
  •  
  • 805-964-5245 24 hr client advocates