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 CALL THE TEEN SERVICES PROGRAM COORDINATOR AT 805-963-4458
x17 805-736-8664 805-347-9994 ¯
Domestic Violence SolutionsP.O. Box 1536 Santa Barbara, CA 93102 Administrative Center 24-hour crisis line (805) 964-5245 FAX (805) 963-1169 ¯
ABOUT
THE TEEN PROGRAM Teen Services
Advocates from Domestic Violence Solutions are available
year-round for presentations on teen relationship issues.
We also provide workshops in the high schools and jr.
high schools on a variety of related topics, including
jealousy, communication, power and control, sexual
harassment, and of course, all types of abuse. |
WHAT
IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP? Ask
yourself these questions about your relationship: ¯
Does each partner respect the other’s opinions, even
when they are different? ¯
Does each partner share equally in making decisions about
how you will spend your time together and about other
issues? ¯
Does each partner encourage the other to have friends and
interests outside the relationship? ¯
Are both partners willing to talk openly and honestly
about problems in the relationship, and willing to work
together to resolve conflicts? ¯
Are both partners willing to accept responsibility for
their behavior when something hurtful is said or done? ¯
Does each partner respect the limits and boundaries set
by the other? These are just a few aspects of a
healthy relationship: respect, trust, support,
communication, and equality. Healthy relationships
are a partnership between two people.
Most importantly, there is no fear of violence.
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HOW
CAN I TELL IF MY RELATIONSHIP
IS ABUSIVE? ¯
Are you frightened by your partner’s temper? ¯
Does your partner call you names, put you down, and
generally make you feel bad about yourself? ¯
Does your partner try to control you by telling you where
you can and can’t go, who you can and can’t
talk to, what you can and can’t wear, etc.? ¯
Has your partner grabbed, slapped, pushed, hit, kicked or
thrown objects at you? ¯
Has your partner threatened you? ¯
Does your partner blame you after hurting you? ¯
Does your partner deny or minimize abuse by saying “you’re
too sensitive”, or acting like nothing ever
happened? ¯
Does your partner make promises to change, yet continue
to hurt you? These are the signs of abuse, which may become dangerous. Look carefully at your relationship and learn about abuse. You deserve a healthy relationship!
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Advocates are also available for
trainings to teachers, service providers, parent groups,
and anyone who is concerned with the problem of teen
abusive relationships. For more information or to
schedule presentations or workshops call
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What
Can You Do? If you are in an abusive relationship: ¯ Take it seriously. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. ¯ Talk to someone about it. Get a reality check. ¯ If you aren’t ready to break up, make a safety plan. A Teen Services Advocate can help you with this. ¯ If you need shelter or someone to talk to, call our 24-hour crisis line at 964-5245. ¯ Call our Teen Services Program. We can help with restraining orders, safety planning, education, support, and other needs you may have. If you have a friend who is abused: ¯ Believe the person. Tell the person it is not her/his fault, and nobody deserves to be abused (no matter what the partner says). ¯ Don’t try to force the person to break up. When the person is ready, she/he will leave. ¯ Offer your support, and refer your friend to the resources above. ¯ Educate yourself about abuse. |
What
is Abuse?
Most
people, when they think about abuse, picture physical
abuse, such as hitting, kicking, punching, pushing,
biting, pulling hair or slapping. Abuse can also be
verbal: name-calling, put-downs,
threats; emotional: controlling,
manipulating, intimidating; or sexual:
forcing sex or using manipulation, intimidation or
threats to coerce someone into sexual behavior. SOME
FACTS ABOUT TEEN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS: ¯
In the Santa Barbara area, one quarter of teens surveyed
reported having experienced an abusive relationship. ¯
Abuse happens in all kinds of relationships, including
same-sex relationships. ¯
Abuse happens at all income and educational levels, and
in all cultural and ethnic groups. ¯ Abuse escalates over time, some-times leading to murder. Santa Barbara County averaged four domestic violence-related murders per year between 1980 and 1997.
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